


growing pains

by Nakimochiku



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post-Journey, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 03:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10234589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nakimochiku/pseuds/Nakimochiku
Summary: Goku hit twenty five, and never got any older. (Here's where things get bittersweet)





	

In the cave, Goku remembers:

Defeating Gyumaoh (blood pain screaming more screaming, a name that he wants to call out and lifeless doll eyes and an explosion--)

The journey back home (four souls so lucky and so relieved to be alive it is all just an adventure speeding fast down highways and laughing laughing laughing)

A life time of quiet contentment. (Here's where things get bitter sweet)

 

*

 

Gojyo ages slower than Sanzo but faster than Hakkai. At fifty, with crows feet around his eyes and laugh lines around his mouth, he looks almost mature and respectable. Not that Goku would ever say so. 

Goku hit twenty five and never got any older.

“Fucking hate you,” Gojyo grumbles, self consciously stroking a streak of grey hair by his temple. “Still prime. Fucking look at me. I’m decrepit.”

Hakkai laughs his polite laugh, green eyes flashing, grey streaking his own hair. He looks scholarly. “You're still quite handsome,” he assures, laughing a little harder when Gojyo grumbles. “But I am quite jealous of Goku's eternal youth.” Like an aunt, he pinches Goku's cheek. His fingers are still strong, but they ache sometimes.

“Sanzo meanwhile has finally become the old man he was meant to be.” Gojyo nudges him.

“Have a heart attack and die.” Sanzo replies mildly, and goes back to his newspaper. The silver in his hair suits him, and doesn't bother him at all. He wears glasses all the time now.

Goku laughs. He doesn't know how to explain how badly he wants to be wrinkled and aching and old too. He doesn't want this to separate them.

 

*

 

Gojyo dies first (Hakkai said liver problems or heart problems or a thousand other complications. It was strange because Gojyo was so rarely sick just like a cockroach seemed invincible just like a cockroach seemed--)

Hakkai mourned. He was never the same, actually. He taught young students until he could no longer walk, but he always seemed about to open his mouth to laugh about something before he remembered Gojyo wasn't there to laugh with. He always seemed like Gojyo’s name was on the tip of his tongue, and letting it curl there to die was the worst part of missing him.

Hakkai dies next. ( _ Fucking idiots attached at the hip _ , Sanzo had groused, voice raspy from sixty long years of smoking.  _ Just had to follow that idiot everywhere _ . But he seems happy, Goku thinks, since Hakkai no longer suffers alone)

Goku isn't ready for Sanzo to die. He thought somehow Sanzo would be immortal, just by outliving their other two friends. But he goes in his sleep. His gold hair, like the sun, went silver so long ago. His face, deeply furrowed from years of scowling, is only reminiscent of his refined and delicate beauty, Goku barely remembers what he looked like.  

In sleep, it all smoothed out. For a moment, sitting at Sanzo’s bedside, he’d looked like himself when he first saw him, hand out stretched and sparkling. He’d looked like the sun.

“I'll reach for you,” he seemed to say before he faded. “I'll always reach for you.”

 

*

 

Kanzeon Bosatsu had descended as they stood in the aftermath of their battle aching and raw and said “Enjoy your time with them.” And Goku had nodded. He’d taken the advice to heart and cradled every moment. 

She came back. Goku put his head down by Sanzo’s pillow, but he already smelled of death, not warmth and light and cigarette smoke. He knew she was there but he couldn't bring himself to get up. “They've all been given their reward.” She says, like that ought to comfort him. But the world is dark. She waits, her arms encircle him. She is merciful. “Do you want to forget?”

Goku’s breath hitches. “No,” he gasps. “No.” He feels her chin as she nods.

“Come with me.”

 

*

 

And so he’d woken in the cave. (Memories of the bright hot hot hot flare of Gojyo’s hair, Gojyo’s laugh, Gojyo’s merciless, teasing keep him warm. 

Memories of the sharp green of Hakkai’s eyes, Hakkai's chi, the taste of Hakkai's tea, kept him grounded.

Memories of Sanzo. Warm strong delicate persevering fragile determined decisive bright brighter brightest, solar flares and solar coronas, give him hope.)

 

*

 

“We really shouldn't be up here,” a young voice says, whining almost. “It's a bad idea.”

“Where's your sense of adventure?” Another young voice scoffs. “C’mon. Bad ideas are the most fun!"

“That's why you got in trouble with the school marm.”

“Gave you a good laugh didn't it?”

“Would you guys shut up and climb?” A third voice snaps irritably. “I'm gonna fall.”

Goku opens his eyes and scrambles a little closer to the cell bars. The voices are just out of his range of sight. When's the last time he's heard a human voice? He tries to call out but he can barely manage a noise. He doesn't want them to leave he wants a friend--

Suddenly, he's accosted by three young boys, none of them older than twelve. One like sunrise, one like midnight, one like noon. He thinks he might weep.

“Whatcha doing in here mister?” The redhead boy (Gojyo Gojyo Gojyo stupid and guileless and perfect) asks, head tipped curiously and eyes wide. “Was there a landslide or something?”

“Shouldn't talk to strangers,” the dark haired one (Hakkai Hakkai I’ve missed you where've you been) reminds. But a look of pity flashes in his eyes even as he edges protectively in front of the redhead. “We can get an adult to help dig you out.”

“Want to come with us?” The little boy bright as the sun interrupts contemptuously. “I've been hearing you in my head and it's been hard to memorize my times tables with you chattering all the time.” He reaches out one tiny hand. Goku's heart leaps for joy as he reaches back.

(Sanzo, he wants to cry, the sun always rises and you always find me just like you promised, Sanzo!)

His chains fall away, the bars crumble. He sweeps all three boys into his arms. Holds them tight even as Sanzo squirms and Gojyo laughs out a charming little giggle and Hakkai halfheartedly protests.

(You found me)


End file.
